The Paralyzation Factors of Fear and Laziness

I am a Christian. I also suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I don’t know if that is my curse. That with my empathy comes depression and with my creativity comes anxiety.

I don’t know. All I do know is that if a demon came to me and said that he could take away all my anxiety, fear, and depression but I would lose my empathy and creativity, I would say “get behind me Satan”.

But the problem remains. I have these two things. I know God tells me not to worry. He tells me that He loves me. He tells me not to fear because everything will turn out well in the end. But yet I still find myself paralyzed with fear, doubt, and depression.

It got so bad I had to put myself into a halfway house the week after the inauguration. I have done a lot in my ministry. I have sent letters to newspapers in the primary states. I have made videos pleading with the voters of states not to lead us to this point. I walked out of a Ted Cruz town hall meeting with both my head and my Bible held high.

I made more videos. I preached at the Capital. I know I am only one man. But it is very discouraging. So what do I do, I find comfort in TV and my projects.

I know I watch too much tv. These are only the first run shows that I watch on a regular basis. The Simpsons, Elementary, Supergirl,24 Legacy,  Timeless, Legends of Tomorrow, NCIS, NCIS New Orleans, Law and Order SVU, Supernatural, and Saturday Night Live. That is 11 hours of TV and that is not counting the shows I watch that are in reruns.

When I am not doing that I am working on projects like trying to find out how many Twilight Zone actor says are still alive using IMDB. Or making huge musical parody lists on YouTube.

These things comfort me. It is a drug for me. I still pray. I still listen to the Daily Audio Bible podcast, I volunteer with my church, I hang out with friends.

But lately when I try to do Kingdom work, I feel paralyzed. The world is so big. It is so dark. This administration is so bad. There is no love, there is no peace, there is no kindness, only hate and fear.

So I retreat back into TV and my projects. I have made videos, I have written letters, I have preached. I still believe that God wants me to fight for His kingdom. To be a voice in the wilderness. A voice that shows an unbelieving world that the 2TimothyTrump style of Christianity is an apostasy.

I want to help start Christian protests around the nation speaking up for the refugees being turned away, the families that are being ripped apart by ICE agents. I want to speak up against those that chose money over God while still talking about how “America is a Christian nation” on TV.

But how to go about that I have no idea. I am the type of guy that give me a task and I will go and do my best. But I feel aimless and without direction.

My church is starting a group seeing what we can do as Christians protecting those who are hurt by 2TimothyTrumpsm.

Well I am going to leave it here. The Simpsons episode where the Simpsons go to Boston is almost on.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s